non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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