She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
