i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there's paper in my vomit.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
