He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
