he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
