I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
