I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
