The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
