the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
