I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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