Betty ford says i'm here all night
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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