My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
