some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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