Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
