that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
