the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Someone signed my nipple.
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