the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
