Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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