Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
