he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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