Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
