sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
