I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
