Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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