4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
