Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
