Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
