You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
