My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
