I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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