I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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