roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
