WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
