There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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