I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
