Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
