I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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