This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
