just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
