is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
