Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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