Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
