I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
