I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
