Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
