Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
