Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
