I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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