Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
