It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
