Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
