Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
