when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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