just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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